Never Panty Raid a Vampire Cabin
by TOTW Fanfiction Edition
Summary: two trouble making teens drag a nerd on a panty raid of a neighboring girls camp. Too bad they didn't realize it was a vampire girls camp.


**A/N: Well never would have thought Fanfiction would have a section dedicated to creatures. Well better than having to constantly put my vampire fics under Twilight. I honestly thought up the story after seeing a joke on Family Guy of all places, so take it for what it's worth. This was mean for fun so…. For those who have read my Gorrilaz fanfic, there are a couple of Easter eggs. I hope you enjoy it**

Summer camp. One of the few times teenagers can act like complete troublemakers and get away with it. (Well sorta anyway.) Problem was Camp Washington wasn't the best kind of camp. The food was crappy, the activities were non-existent. A lot of times, the kids often entertained themselves by playing poker, telling embarrassing stories, or talking about girls.

Nathan or Nate as he was often called, was forced into Summer camp because his mom wanted him to improve on his social life. Nate wasn't exactly a stereotypical nerd, but he did have a way of keeping to himself. Frankly he wished that he was playing with Joseph and the other Jolly Rogers rather than hang out with these lunatics .

It didn't exactly help that Nate was pretty much targeted from Day was a rail thin kid with an inward personality and her certainly wasn't the strongest kid on the block. The first day he was greeted with the present of a wedgee , the second day he got his clothes stolen.

Had he not met Jake and Ryan he'd probably have stayed an open target. As it was, they were not as much friends as they were mercenaries or bodyguards. For five bucks they basically agreed to be bodyguards, but he still had to follow them around. Jake was a tall black kid and had a body of a linebacker, Ryan knew karate and was a master of pranks, to call them nice however was giving them a bit more credit than what they probably deserved, and when they got bored. Nate was dragged in to all of it.

"Grr…I'm bored." Jake growled as he continued banging his head against the wall. Ryan simply flipped through his comic book.

"Glue the camp consoler's butt to the chair? Done that. Fill the minuteman's ketchup bottles with hot sauce? done that."

"Wish there was a camp nearby what I wouldn't give for a good raid."

Nate in the meantime had continued strumming on the bass.

" _City's breaking down on a camel's back_

 _They just have to go 'cause they don't know whack_

 _So all you fill the streets it's appealing to see_

 _You won't get out the county, 'cause you're bad and free_

 _You've got a new horizon It's ephemeral style_

 _A melancholy town where we never smile."_

"Yo music boy you're the smart here ya know of any good camps nearby?"

Nate stopped strumming as he pushed up his glasses.

"We're not supposed to leave the camp grounds without permission. Besides the only camp close by is Camp Twilight and it's an aristocratic girls camp."

Camp Twilight was the girls camp located next to camp Washington. Oddly enough, while the activity of the camp during the day time was minimal, at night the place sounded like a full-fledged nightclub with loud music and lots of laughter.

"Girls camp, did you say girls camp?"

Jake and Ryan looked over at each other as a mischievous smile came over their face.

"Panty raid!" they both screamed."

"Panty raid?" Nate asked

"You know. Sneak over to a girls dorm and steal their underwear? My dad used to do it in college all the time."

Nate couldn't believe it.

"You're kidding right? First of all, that place is first class as in probably advanced security impenetrable fence first class. second of all, we could get arrested for trespassing on public property, and third even if we don't get flat out arrested if we get caught, we'll get kicked out of camp, and my mom paid good money for me to be here."

Jake laughed.

"Fine Ryan and I can go alone and we'll just leave you here and won't risk getting kicked out. By the way, isn't tonight supposed to be bombardment night at the gym?"

Nate's eyes widened. Anytime bombardment night happened, it was essentially everyone bombards on him. for some odd reason he risked getting caught rather getting bumps and bruises.

He made a small gulp in his face before muttering the word "yolo"

the crickets let loud chirps as the gang walked through the wet grass. Nate hate running probably because he was not good at him. Every time he walked, he found himself being bit and chewed up by fire ants. This night was no exception.

"hey guys wait up. Slow down."

"Come on string bean. You're too slow. Holy crap their music is loud."

Fence was a black chained fence that was three meters wide and several meters long. Jake and Ryan managed to climb the fence with a bit of effort Nat on the other hand needed a bit of help.

"Hey guys wait up."

Ryan managed to pull him over shaking his head once everyone was over.

"Heh some security."

"Careful they might overhear."

"Yeah right the music is so loud they probably can't hear us.

the kids snuck into the nearest cabin which oddly enough was not locked.

"Wow thse guys sure don't seem to worry about strangers."

The inside of the cabin was something that Nate wasn't expecting, there were Gorrilaz posters hanging on the walls, the corner appeared to have what looked like a mini freezer, and there was a flatscreen TV in the corner with a game system attached to it.

"Wow this is nice."

nate found himself staring at the wall and found himself exploring. He honestly found himself wondering what the people who lived in this cabin might have been like? Were they cool people? From the look of their stuff, they seemed to be.

Ryan went for the clothes and started laughing.

"whoa hey Jake look at this."

Jake did so.

"Dang this chick is huge. What is she a sumo wrestler?"

"…or a land whale. Hey Nate look at this."

Nate did as he was told. The garment said in question was of a dark purple color and looked as though it belonged to someone who was indeed quite large.

Ryan continued laughing. "This isn't just a girls camp. it's a Fat Camp . the two proceeded to run around holding the garments like a kite.

"look Ma, I'm flying.

"oh no, a gust of wind." Nate just rolled his eyes. "Can we just get out of here. We really shouldn't be here."

"Just a sec. I want to see if Fatty has any Ice cream in the freezer."

Ryan opened the freezer door, he smiled in hopes of finding some food to raid, but that smile quickly faded.

"Uh…guys?"

He slowly pointed to the contents in the freezer. They were vials of what looked to be like a dark liquid.

"Does that look like *gulp* blood to you?"

Nate nodded.

"You don't think that maybe the people who live in this cavern are…are…."

All of a sudden there was the sound of heavy footsteps could be heard. Nate began to quiver when he felt warm heavy air flowing down his neck.

"Ryan, please tell me that's you."

Ryan however began whimpering "No."

The three turned around to see a very large figure staring down at them. water dripped from it's skin and it looked like it was dressed in a bikini it's eyes flashed a deep crimson red. it's mouth was full of shark-like teeth. Saliva dripped from them. The three boys felt their heart stop when the figure spoke two ominous words.

"Get Out!"

The three boys screamed and ran towards the door. Nate tripped and dropped his glasses.

"Guys wait my glasses!" But Jake and Ryan didn't turn back.

"Sorry Nate, survival of the fittest!"

Nate frustratingly searched for his glasses. When he managed to picked them up, he noticed he was staring at a pale hand with claw like nails. He looked up to see the vampire staring at him. she was a tall vampire with long black hair, plump lips and a heavy physique, and she looked like she was capable of eating him alive.

Nate let out a scream.

"Please don' eat me. My blood is sour…I should know I've tasted it more times than I like to admit."

Nate turned his neck looking away. However he was surprised when the vampire started giggling.

"huh?"

"You are absolutely helpless aren't you?" the Vampire asked.

Nate started blushing. "I mean I wouldn't call myself…I mean…well…yes.

The vampire started giggling again.

"What's your name cutie?"

Nate was shocked. Did she just call him cute?

"Um…Nathan grant…but my friends call me Nate."

"Well Nate, I was just about to go into the hot tub. Care to join me?"

 **A/N: Yeah I did this for fun. Feel free to love it or hate it just please review it. If you do like it and want to see more chapters, let me know in the comments. Also please provide constructive criticism if you have it. As far as there being obese vampires, it depends on the which lore and medium they are in. In this stories world, Fat vampires are called heavies.**


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